I can try, anyway...

I can be that for you, if you want.
I can be whatever you want me to,
if it means I'll be more than wasted space.

I can be just a piece of ass.
I can be that desperation call,
if it means you'll call to say you need me.

I can be everything you need in someone.
I can be your sloppy seconds, if you want,
if it means I can pretend you're mine.

Just say the word,
and I'm all yours.

And that's what happened, officer.

I can only remember a loud bang and then...
Then there was red, red everywhere
Warm at first, then freezing, then nothing.
And suddenly I was floating, in a way.
I could look down and see me,
And the mess, oh, God, the mess.
Did I really do that?
No going back now.
Nobody heard it, there's no one around.
For the best, I guess, I didn't want a scene, anyway.
And now to think of where to go.
They will find me like this.
But who? Would he come looking?
He would be the one person I would want to see,
the last face before I leave this place for good.
I want to gaze at his anguish,
if there was to be any.
I want him to see what he caused.
Maybe if I go see him now...
No, how would he know I was gone?
Someone was bound to hear that shot,
surely there was someone that heard it.
Cue the police sirens.
Might as well stick around and see what happens.

I failed.

I'm sorry I didn't turn out
to be everything you wanted:
The always straight-A'ed
honor roll student with the
free ride to the Ivy Leagues.

I'm sorry I didn't turn out
to be everything you wanted:
The always available shoulder
and emergency boy-chocolate
that made it all better.

I'm sorry I didn't turn out
to be everything you wanted:
The touch-me-wherever
always ready for the next step
body bag you said you loved.

I'm sorry I didn't turn out
to be everything you wanted:
The happy go lucky attitude
that was really just a mask,
but that you always smiled at.

I'm sorry I didn't turn out
to be everything you wanted:
The one who would see him
with his couch and medications
before it got this far.

I'm sorry I took too many of the wrong one.

Memoirs of a Single Mom (Part 5)

Too old for this
Get up off the floor
Put that down
Get down from there
Give that back
Stop screaming
Please, please stay quiet.

Too young for this
Back pains and headaches
Work 5 days, 11 hours
No time to even clean
Bills, bills, pay, pay
A little here, a little there
None for me.
No, never for me.

Too much for too little
Head not on straight
Can I sleep here with you?
Eyes get heavy
Light breathing from a little face
Maybe it's worth it.

Chain of Reason

If out of sight is out of mind,
and out of sight is also out of reach,
would that not mean that out of reach is out of mind?

And if this is true,
would that not mean that hope, dreams, goals, etc.,
are not to be worked for?

Then wouldn't that conclude
that attempts at pure, unfiltered happiness
are useless, futile, superfluous?

So what's the point in trying at all for anything
or anyone?

You dug it, now lay in it.

I may have been digging this hole for myslef,
but at least he was there helping me dig it.
Now I get to sit in it, more alone than I was
before he was mine.
And I get to look up and cry while I watch him bury me
with a smile etched across his face.